I couldn’t believe it; an alien was growing in front of me in my teacup! There I was, sitting in a Thai restaurant staring at the jasmine flower in my teacup as it transformed before my eyes. The hot water seemed to bring it to life, turn it into something else, growing and changing into something that well, looked like a alien. How could a drop of hot water make such a difference?

Change: Company change, business change, personal change, change agenda, delivering change. What does any of this really mean?

I am always saying that I want to change this and that, or that I want so and so to change, in fact helping our clients to change is the basis on which our entire business has been built.

A very good friend of mine was having an “enthusiastic difference of opinion” with his girlfriend of the moment, when she finally exploded, shouting ‘you’ll never change’ to which he answered without pausing…… ‘into what?’

I think this is one of the best thinking-on-your-feet answers I have ever heard and also a fair question: into what, indeed?

I think the conversation around change is one of the most misunderstood and over simplified concepts.

If I were able to change, and better still get others to change I’d have to be able to answer the question from what into what?

To answer this question, I need to know who I am now.

I am Barry Arthur Holmes, so am I my name? No, I could change that by deed pole tomorrow.

I am 178lbs, 5’11, and have blue eyes so I am physical body? No, because yesterday I weighed 180lbs and 42 years ago I weighed 7lbs.

I am my thoughts and feelings, as Descartes said, ‘I think therefore I am.’ No, my thoughts and feeling have constantly changed and continue to do so every five minutes, even as I am writing this.

Instead of trying to answer the question who am I now, let’s answer a more useful and practical one, which is what do I want to be different.

This is easy, in relation to myself I want to feel or behave differently. Sometimes I want to feel more content; sometimes I want to stop drinking so much coffee. In relation to others it is easy as well. I want ‘them’ to think or feel differently and therefore behave differently, be more confident, talk less, listen more

Changing how others or myself think, feel, and behave is challenging and possible. In fact, it’s probably happening all of the time without us realizing it, but what if we knew how to do it consciously?

So, the really interesting and useful question is how do I consciously help myself and other change the way we think, feel and behave?

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