I am not usually someone that watches the news. However, I could not avoid the story that has been on the front page of every paper over the last few weeks, the tragic story of ‘Baby P’. I was drawn to this story because the photo of this beautiful little boy reminded me so much of my own 8 month old son. Reading the story broke my heart, and I actually went and sat with my sleeping son for a while and cried having read about the plight of this unfortunate little boy.

A while later, I became curious at why I had been so affected by this story and why I had cried. One reason was obvious – I realised there was nothing that I could actually do about his particular situation. The damage had already been done. Even if I had access to the people who had neglected the child prior to the event, I think it would have been very hard to change the mindset of those who committed these acts. Even if I had been able to do something, these kind of appalling atrocities goes on all the time everywhere around the world. I guess there was a realisation that one man just cannot change the world.

I think another reason this story hit me so hard was because this little boy reminded me so much of my own son, and that made this story feel more personal to me. I had imagined the prospect of this happening to my own child, and frankly I just could not even begin to comprehend. My son is hard work, but I don’t ever feel anything but love for him. I may get annoyed with him, but I just cannot fathom how those who are naturally entrusted to look after the life of another being, could be so cruel as the “trustees” of “Baby P”.

Thinking further though, although I have been upset at the children who have been, or who continue to be, killed in Iraq, Afghanistan or Palestine, I have not cried. To me that is interesting. After all, the outcome is the same. Children have been or continue to be killed or mistreated. Why do I not react the same? On some level, I guess I don’t identify so well with the perpetrators – the “Government”, or the “Soldiers”. Of all the levels on which I perceive my identity, I do not identify myself as being either of those labels and so on some level I guess I am less affronted by what has happened because I am assured that this is not part of my identity. Nor, I suppose, do many of these children remind me in such a stark way of my own son. This doesn’t make what has happened in these other scenarios ‘right’ (and I use this word lightly).

Realising this really made me acknowledge the source of my suffering. Myself. I share the same identity as those who were supposedly looking after ‘Baby P’, but my rules for how they are fulfilled are completely different – diametrically opposed in fact. However, this places me in a situation of judgement because I am somehow attached to my rules being somehow ‘right’. I don’t believe I could ever condone how ‘Baby P’ was treated, but I am not sure that being in a place of judgement is useful either. By staying angry and holding on to my own hurt, who am I really hurting? It certainly isn’t going to do anything to help ‘Baby P’ or any other child for that matter. I also think it has the potential to perpetuate the problem that I am angry at.

To explain what I mean, I’ll give you an example. A few years ago, I was really miserable in my career. I often used to participate in conversations with others who were also fed up with their careers. Looking back I was having those conversations to comfort myself that it was okay to really hate what I was doing. It sort of absolved me from taking action to do anything about it. Actually I was just too scared to embrace the unknown to let go of the certainty of the life that I had, even though I wasn’t terribly fulfilled. After a few years of this though, I became so miserable that I started to become curious. I started to let go of needing certainty and started to pursue what I really cared about.

A few years later, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and he said to me: “John, thank you for all the help you have given me”. I was a little dumbfounded. I couldn’t remember actually doing anything recently to help him. “What for?” I asked. He told me that he had been inspired by the actions I had taken and by my attitude towards actually doing something about my situation, and had gone on to take some similar decisions himself as a result.
Two things struck me about this example. The first is that sometimes, we need darkness to be able to appreciate light. I had to become so fed up and depressed with my situation to want to do something about it. In the same way, it is tragic what happened to ‘Baby P’, but we have to try and find the light in every dark situation, no matter how dark it is, otherwise we stay in the darkness of judgement and anger.

The second thing that strikes me is that although I perhaps can’t make a difference to the whole world, I must remember that I am actually making a big impact on the world by my attitude towards it and the way I am being. In the example above I managed to inspire someone indirectly, by seeking inspiration within myself. What, I wonder, am I inspiring by being angry and in judgement, as I have been over this particular news story?

Demonising or judging the perpetrators isn’t going to do anything except perpetuate the situation that caused this to arise. If we want to stop this kind of thing arising, we have to realise that each individual is responsible for the society we create. To create a more compassionate, caring society, we have to let go of our judgement, anger and hurt and become more caring, as hard as it actually is, even if our own egos are deeply affronted by what we face.

Whilst each of us can’t change the world, we can make a difference to those who we come into contact with, not necessarily by what we do, but simply (and it isn’t always) by whom we are around them. With a bit of luck, this might create a chain effect. Even if it doesn’t though, at least we can shine a light in what can sometimes feel a very dark world.

As for watching the news, I am going back to my original plan!

Some Thoughts

How and who are you being right now? If you were creating a chain effect from how you were being, is this what you want to see more of in the world? If not, what would you rather see, and how could you alter how you are being right now to start to create that?

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